I didn't expect to go out and do much else than go to the gym today, so I wasn't planning on doing anything with my hair. I was just going to take it out of last night's braid and put it in a high pony tail on top of my head, which is what I did in the earlier part of the day. I got a call from a friend who needed to talk so I decided I should look presentable. I am glad I chose to do something with my hair today because I kind of had a break through. I just wet my curls, I'm saving the big wash for tomorrow since I go back to work, and then threw in some of the Carols Daughter Curl Definer. I separated my hair into two sections this time instead of four and placed a dime size amount, twice, to both sides and let it air dry. These two pictures are from after I came back from hanging out with my friend. My hair is completely dry in both of these pictures.
The curls felt really moist even after they had dried, this Carols Daughter stuff is a miracle I tell you. I also noticed that they were soft and tame, which is what I have been wanting. I just ran a comb through my dry hair to put into two braids for bed and it was untangled and soft, something I have never experienced when my hair is dry and curly.
It still has a ways to go, there are a ton of "straight-curly" pieces in my hair, but I am liking the shape they are taking right now, plus I am very excited that I may only have to use one styling product in my hair some days. I am still on a search for a good leave in conditioner, hopefully I can find one this weekend.
Today was a great day for hair and heritage. I watched For Colored Girls, Tyler Perry's masterpiece, if you will, about the struggles and the triumphs of colored women. It was beautiful and thought-provoking. First, I must say, I have found the exact person who's curls I would like to model mine after, actress Tessa Thompson.
Her hair is exactly what I know my hair is capable of becoming-it's long and full of curls, but it is still manageable. This was one of the first times I really saw how beautiful a person can be with naturally curly hair. It is not to say I think women who embrace their natural hair are not beautiful, on the contrary, I think they are some of the most beautiful women I've ever seen, it is just the first time I realized I, too, could feel beautiful with curly hair.
For Colored Girls awakened feelings within me that I never knew were there, or maybe ones I tried to ignore. Let me say, I have always viewed myself as Alexia, first and foremost, not as a black female, or a white female. Just Alexia. I understand these two identities have come together within me to form what people see, but they are not my sole existence. While I know these are just facets of an overall complexity, I still feel disconnected from my black side. Watching this film made me understand how much I yearn to be a part of the culture because it is an important and integral part of my make-up.
Most of my girl friends are not black, and that is the way it has been my whole life. Every time I talk to black girls, I feel this almost electricity because I'm talking to someone who looks like me and who has felt the uncertainty I have felt from looking different from my friends to having this insane hair that has a mind of its own. This hair journey that I've embarked on is not just about hair, obviously. It is about opening myself up to a culture that I have felt completely isolated from my whole life because it is a part of me and deserves just as much recognition as I have given the other pieces of my heritage.
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