Well, please refrain from doing so. Unless invited, reaching out and touching a black woman's hair because it is "so fascinating and exotic" is highly offensive and grounds for getting your fingers bitten off. In high school, I used to allow my white friends to touch my hair, always feeling a bit uncomfortable when they asked me because they were not asking one another if they could exchange strokes. I allowed it, however, because of my want to please others. I can remember a specific time when I allowed one of my old friends to comb out all of my curls and make my hair "fro" because she thought it was "so cool to look at and feel." I remember feeling upset because it was going to take hours for my hair to get back to normal now that it had been combed out. Please, do not get me wrong, I allow plenty of people to touch my hair. The key word of that sentence is allow. I have a fairly short list of people I "allow" to touch my hair: my mom, my hair stylist, and my fellow natural hair mate, Ayla. There is the occasional person I throw in there if I want something done that I know I cannot do myself, but I try to keep it to a minimum because of the comments, such as, "Wow, it doesn't feel like black girls hair. It is so...white feeling."
I decided to do a bit of research to find out why I feel this way as well as to find other fellow black women who hate having their hair touched. According to an article in CNN.com entitled 'Can I touch it?' blogger Renee Martin remarks, "I think it's the idea that they have the right to possess black women and they will take any excuse they can to jump over the border, whether it's policing our behavior or policing our hair," Martin said. "I think it's about ownership of black bodies more than it has to actually do with hair" (Lisa Respers France). While I have never gone into as much depth as Martin on this matter, I completely understand and agree that it is like this for some black women. There are blatantly ignorant people in the world who think that black hair can be played with because it is attached to a larger pawn, but I know there are other people who honestly just cannot keep their hands to themselves, sans ulterior motives. I personally do not like my hair touched because it takes me a while to get the curls in the shape I want, and then someone comes up and starts pulling the curls apart, causing them to frizz. I recognize that curls are pretty and unlike something people see residing on everyone's head, but it doesn't give you the right to touch them. We are not chia pets, or any pets for that matter. But touch our hair enough and we will resort to biting.
Issa Rae, star and creator of "The Misadventures of Awkward Black Girl" adds to the conversation on CNN.com, explaining she does not mind when people touch her hair as much as she does when they ask questions that make her feel as though her hair is ugly. I am happy I have not received these types of questions, most people have been supportive of my choice to go natural. A young woman on CNN.com named Tia Mosley describes her story, saying she went natural at age 12 and has never looked back. Mosley explains that she does not mind people touching her hair, it is just when they touch it without asking that bothers her. I think I am closest to Mosley's outlook. If people ask to touch my hair, I do not mind as much. I still reserve the right to say no, and I have, but I just feel it is polite. I am not going to go up to someone I do not know and start stroking their hair because it looks interesting to me. They have petting zoos for that. Be genuine about your curiosity too, do not ask to touch my hair because you think it looks weird and you want to confirm your suspicions. Believe me, this has been a long time in the making so I can spot the ones with judgment in their voice.
These comments are not meant to be rude, more of an education. The knowledge is this: if you touch someone's hair without asking, it can be offensive. If after reading this, you still feel the urge to touch a black woman's hair...well, don't say you weren't warned when you get her right hook.Follow @AlexiaaBrooks
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