The First Time

Today was the first day I have ever felt just as pretty with my curly hair that I do with my straight hair. This is not to say I fawn over myself in the mirror when I have straight hair, but I have definitely felt more together and pretty when my hair is controlled. I have also noticed that I tend to feel less pretty when my hair is curly and I'm around my white friends who have naturally straight hair, but today, I didn't feel that way. I felt beautiful with my curly tresses growing wildly from my head.  It was a wonderful feeling.

So, I washed my hair yesterday with Carols Daughter and just used the Curl Definer, which makes my hair feel so soft without the frizz. This stuff is a miracle. It has also helped shape my curls and makes my hair shiny. The only thing I'm not used to is how much moisture my hair has in it, but I know my scalp and roots definitely appreciate it.

I think one of the biggest reasons I am uncomfortable with that much moisture is because I don't want oily hair, I've never wanted my hair to feel that way. When my hair was straight and I'd do the big wash, I would literally place a silver dollar size amount of shampoo in my hair and repeat this three times. Not only did I go through shampoo extremely fast, but my hair felt dry. Honestly, a lot of these crazy rituals I have for my straight hair go back to the way I felt when I was in high school. I was mainly attracted to white guys, but always felt a little uncomfortable approaching those feelings because I was black. Even when these guys liked me back, I still felt aware of my differences and insecure because of them. One of the main things I felt set me apart from the other girls was my hair, so I really tried to do what I could to make it feel less ethnic, for lack of a better word. It is not that I wouldn't leave my hair curly, because for a long time I didn't want to pay for a relaxer and didn't know how to do my hair on my own, but when I did leave it curly, I didn't feel as pretty. When I would leave it curly, as I mentioned in earlier posts, I would use products like Aussie Mousse to control my curls, making my hair feel very crunchy. I just didn't want them to fro out too much or set me even further apart from the other girls. What can I say, I was a teenager! But a lot of those insecurities stuck with me until now, which is one of the reasons I wanted to tackle this summer project. It's a wonder I still have hair now because I used to glob Aussie into my hand and run it through my hair, then diffuse it so it would dry quicker, then take a curling iron to not so dry hair and try to make the curls look bigger. I found a few pictures of me in a friends photobucket today which show my hair in high school:

The bottom picture is from when I would do my hair with the curling iron after diffusing it. Looking back, it looks awful! The top picture I like because while my hair had a lot of product in it, it was really long. I'd like to get my hair back to that length, but with more of a healthy growth-literally with my hair, but also with my attitude towards my hair.

As I mentioned earlier, my hair has already started showing more definition, which I love.

I am really impressed with how quickly it is starting to curl back up. I love how light-weight it feels and how soft it is! Carols Daughter is definitely everything it promises to be and more. I am still unsure how often I need to wash my hair. I washed it yesterday morning and then this morning I just got it wet and put some more Curl Definer in it. I decided to use my sulfate shampoo, the KMS, tonight when I took a shower, just to do a deep wash because my hair felt a little oily and I knew by tomorrow it would need a wash. I was unsure if I should have used the sulfate shampoo, but I was watching my favorite YouTube girl talk about how she uses sulfate shampoo once a week to do a deep wash. I'll see how it goes. I probably will only do this once a week, though.

I'm on a search for leave in conditioner. I saw from the YouTube channel I subscribe to that Organics Curl Enhancing Smoothie works really well, but I can't find it. I must say I'm disappointed in Target and Sally's for their limited selection on hair products for mixed and black hair. It's frustrating to have to either drive to Modesto or order it online, but I will deal with it because my hair is important to me.Follow @AlexiaaBrooks